Last night as my wife and I went to bed it was with a full but anxious heart. 21 months ago today we received a call at night that our 4 year old niece, whom we have not seen in almost two years, needed somewhere to live. We quickly flew into action not really understanding what we were heading into or what this was going to mean for our lives or for her's. I won’t sugar coat it...it’s been hard, very hard at times for all of us. There has been a lot of back and forth and uncertainty about where Casey will be. We had been to court multiple time over the course of time to consider whether or not she should return to her mother. Each time something had been brought to light that revealed that such action was not in the best interest of Casey.
Over the past 21 months not only did Casey need to learn to conform to the conditions she now lives in but we had to learn about her and what make her unique. She has been going through therapy to help her learn to cope with the issues she is facing on a daily bases. She is learning to express her emotions without losing self control and to share those feelings with others who can help her through life. Casey has been through a great amount of trauma through out her young life. As my wife and I were faced with these emotional events from Casey we questioned ourselves many times if we were capable of handling her.
Mind you Courtney and I are in our late 40's and almost empty nesters. We were looking forward to a new chapter in our life as our youngest one is about to graduate high school in a couple of years and head out in his own life. We were looking forward to the change that life would only be about us.
Each time we went to court we had mixed emotions. Due to circumstances that had been revealed prior to the court date we knew that Casey would not return to her mother. Other times we were expecting the judge to return the child to the mother but ended up hearing the contrary. In those moments we were looking forward to the ruling that the judge would return the child. Upon receiving the notice of the final court hearing Courtney and I began to have a change of heart. We did not want Casey to return to her mother. We know that Casey would not be afforded the opportunities to grow up in a healthy environment if she returned to her mother. Her mother has a history of neglect, is very immature, and has her priorities out of order. The mother is merely looking to survive daily. Her "Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs" are way out of order. She fails to follow state and court order and placing the child at constant risk. Prior to heading to court we were sure that the the judge was going to return the child to the mother and we dreaded such an idea. The mother had checked off all the boxes but there was just one thing that kept her into trouble. The judge recognized that issue. My wife and I wondered what would happen if Casey did return to her mother, would be ever see her again, would we be a part of her life? This is not the first time Casey has been in our custody but this has been the longest. In her short life Casey has lived with us in this house longer than she has lived anywhere else.
We were beside ourselves, afraid for Casey, praying that the Lord would intervene. Many people were subpoenaed for this hearing, including my wife. She went to work for half the day. As she headed to the court house she prayed that either the Holy Spirit would lead her in what she needed to say on the stand or that the Lord would take the cup from her. We arrived for court early and waited outside, the only one's who had a case that day. About 20 minutes of waiting we were called into the court room. Five minutes later the judged came out. There was no deliberation.
Yesterday some of our concerns were cleared and we have closer...the court has closed the case and my wife and I now have permanent custody. Casey’s mom can file a civil case to fight for custody and if that happens we will fight for what is best for Casey. So please pray for us to have strength and wisdom to raise Casey and most importantly pray for Casey...pray that God will protect her and work out what is best for her.
I am reminded of the text about what true religion is. Religion is not what a Christian believes but what a Christian does due to the relationship we have with Christ. "Religion that God the Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." (James 1:27). Paul tells us that to put our religion into practice by caring for our own family (1 Timothy 5:4).
Some people may not agree with what happened by claiming we took a child from their mother. The mother is not related to us nor is she married to the child's father. I agree, any mother would find it devastating to have their child taken from them. However, when a parent cannot raise and care for their child properly, if a parent cannot place their child's needs before their own and puts their child at risk there is no other choice but to remove the child and place them where they can be taken care of and provided for in an appropriate manner. A mother who says they love their child wishes to raise their child but more importantly she should recognize that if they are unable to care for their child adequately they should place that child into appropriate care. Doing so does not mean that the mother does not love her child. Her choice to do so shows that the priority should be the child and what is best for them. Scripture also say anyone who does not provide for their immediate family is worse than an unbeliever (1 Timothy 5:8). Family should be taken care of and when we know that family is in need but fail to make an attempt to help them there is much to be accounted for, especially for a child.
Over the past 21 months not only did Casey need to learn to conform to the conditions she now lives in but we had to learn about her and what make her unique. She has been going through therapy to help her learn to cope with the issues she is facing on a daily bases. She is learning to express her emotions without losing self control and to share those feelings with others who can help her through life. Casey has been through a great amount of trauma through out her young life. As my wife and I were faced with these emotional events from Casey we questioned ourselves many times if we were capable of handling her.
Mind you Courtney and I are in our late 40's and almost empty nesters. We were looking forward to a new chapter in our life as our youngest one is about to graduate high school in a couple of years and head out in his own life. We were looking forward to the change that life would only be about us.
Each time we went to court we had mixed emotions. Due to circumstances that had been revealed prior to the court date we knew that Casey would not return to her mother. Other times we were expecting the judge to return the child to the mother but ended up hearing the contrary. In those moments we were looking forward to the ruling that the judge would return the child. Upon receiving the notice of the final court hearing Courtney and I began to have a change of heart. We did not want Casey to return to her mother. We know that Casey would not be afforded the opportunities to grow up in a healthy environment if she returned to her mother. Her mother has a history of neglect, is very immature, and has her priorities out of order. The mother is merely looking to survive daily. Her "Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs" are way out of order. She fails to follow state and court order and placing the child at constant risk. Prior to heading to court we were sure that the the judge was going to return the child to the mother and we dreaded such an idea. The mother had checked off all the boxes but there was just one thing that kept her into trouble. The judge recognized that issue. My wife and I wondered what would happen if Casey did return to her mother, would be ever see her again, would we be a part of her life? This is not the first time Casey has been in our custody but this has been the longest. In her short life Casey has lived with us in this house longer than she has lived anywhere else.
We were beside ourselves, afraid for Casey, praying that the Lord would intervene. Many people were subpoenaed for this hearing, including my wife. She went to work for half the day. As she headed to the court house she prayed that either the Holy Spirit would lead her in what she needed to say on the stand or that the Lord would take the cup from her. We arrived for court early and waited outside, the only one's who had a case that day. About 20 minutes of waiting we were called into the court room. Five minutes later the judged came out. There was no deliberation.
Yesterday some of our concerns were cleared and we have closer...the court has closed the case and my wife and I now have permanent custody. Casey’s mom can file a civil case to fight for custody and if that happens we will fight for what is best for Casey. So please pray for us to have strength and wisdom to raise Casey and most importantly pray for Casey...pray that God will protect her and work out what is best for her.
I am reminded of the text about what true religion is. Religion is not what a Christian believes but what a Christian does due to the relationship we have with Christ. "Religion that God the Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." (James 1:27). Paul tells us that to put our religion into practice by caring for our own family (1 Timothy 5:4).
Some people may not agree with what happened by claiming we took a child from their mother. The mother is not related to us nor is she married to the child's father. I agree, any mother would find it devastating to have their child taken from them. However, when a parent cannot raise and care for their child properly, if a parent cannot place their child's needs before their own and puts their child at risk there is no other choice but to remove the child and place them where they can be taken care of and provided for in an appropriate manner. A mother who says they love their child wishes to raise their child but more importantly she should recognize that if they are unable to care for their child adequately they should place that child into appropriate care. Doing so does not mean that the mother does not love her child. Her choice to do so shows that the priority should be the child and what is best for them. Scripture also say anyone who does not provide for their immediate family is worse than an unbeliever (1 Timothy 5:8). Family should be taken care of and when we know that family is in need but fail to make an attempt to help them there is much to be accounted for, especially for a child.
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